I just wonder when it will end. What will end you ask? The sinking fear that our life will turn upside again and that we will be scrambling for the mercy of family and really truley hit bottom.

Explain -
My husband and I have always had money troubles. From our wedding night 11 years ago to today. It has only been in the past 9 months, things went really sour and now I live in a constant fear that we will lose things. We have filed for bankruptcy and working that out with payments to keep both our broken down vehicles that are not worth the paying off amount. We have had to move to another part of Denver in a lower income to make ends meet, which rarely meet, let alone line up sometimes. He works 2 jobs, I work 2 jobs and we have given up so much in the past 9 months, I don't even want to go into detail about it. Yet - every few days I go into this fear of, "what will we do if..." and get scared about the future. I'm talking dumb stuff, so I know I'm setting myself up.. but does get scary.

Tonight we got a call from the electric company. Pay by tomorrow or be cut off come Monday. Instant fear of, do we write a hot check to cover it, or take the hit and lose power 3 days till payday with the kids? Neither answer a good one. I worry, while I'm out running over to the bank and dropping off web money. Fear sets in and a knot in my stomach just starts turning and turning. Husband calls and asks why the electric company called and I explain and he says, we paid it last week. Fear over. Simple. If I had waited to talk to him, the stomach would not be in such a knot.

I wonder how much longer this fear of lossing our "stuff" will last and that I can go back to living in the future for fun things to do.