New Mexico 2.0
Ok, so I went home for the weekend. To finish up the weekend story, I need to air some stuff out.
I wondered for a long time on the plane and the ride home why is it that I don't like going home. It's not my mom. I love her and wish I could see her daily, well, if not daily, be able to talk to her daily without the cost of the telephone. I then came to a small grip that I still miss my dad. That going home, he's still not there, and that going home and seeing mom's changes to the house, dad's not there. It's all fru-fru. Something he would not like. Flowers, doilys, lace, Colors. Dad was blah brown. Going home brings me down and though mom sets it up for me to visit friends, I shy from them. I was to see Kathy, a friend from mid-school, and I made every excuse not to see her. I love her, we have been through a lot. I just don't like visiting people when I'm home.
We drove around, looking at all the development areas (this is a tiny tiny town - blink, you have gone past it). So it doesn't take but about 3 hours to see all the latest and greatest. This time we took small trips that covered over 2 days. Last time, we drove for 3 solid days.. I was tired when I got back home. But it just seemed we were going to all dad's places. We even went by the cemetary, and mom asked me if I wanted to go.
I knew I should have.
I felt that I should have.
But we didn't. I said this time, I wasn't ready to see him.
Why should we? All we would do is look at the stone, then wonder off and look at others. How sick. Sorry dad.. but I want to see who else checked in lately. ugh.
There is this guilt I feel for not going, and a relief that I didn't. They weigh about the same.
In the end though. I'm glad I went home. My mom has slowly let herself fizzle out, she's not an active person of the city like she once was, and after doing a ton of Mary Kay stuff, she told me later after my arrival back home in Colorado that she has decided to take the next step in Mary Kay and that is go for Director and the Grand AM. I think this would be great for her. She was, and has always been a great leader, this is her calling. I think once she gets over the fear of dealing with customers and get some awesome training, she will be feet planted and head strong on her goals. Now lets see who gets there first... me or her?
Mom - I love you. Thank you for being who you are and being so strong when we need you.
Susan
Ok, so I went home for the weekend. To finish up the weekend story, I need to air some stuff out.
I wondered for a long time on the plane and the ride home why is it that I don't like going home. It's not my mom. I love her and wish I could see her daily, well, if not daily, be able to talk to her daily without the cost of the telephone. I then came to a small grip that I still miss my dad. That going home, he's still not there, and that going home and seeing mom's changes to the house, dad's not there. It's all fru-fru. Something he would not like. Flowers, doilys, lace, Colors. Dad was blah brown. Going home brings me down and though mom sets it up for me to visit friends, I shy from them. I was to see Kathy, a friend from mid-school, and I made every excuse not to see her. I love her, we have been through a lot. I just don't like visiting people when I'm home.
We drove around, looking at all the development areas (this is a tiny tiny town - blink, you have gone past it). So it doesn't take but about 3 hours to see all the latest and greatest. This time we took small trips that covered over 2 days. Last time, we drove for 3 solid days.. I was tired when I got back home. But it just seemed we were going to all dad's places. We even went by the cemetary, and mom asked me if I wanted to go.
I knew I should have.
I felt that I should have.
But we didn't. I said this time, I wasn't ready to see him.
Why should we? All we would do is look at the stone, then wonder off and look at others. How sick. Sorry dad.. but I want to see who else checked in lately. ugh.
There is this guilt I feel for not going, and a relief that I didn't. They weigh about the same.
In the end though. I'm glad I went home. My mom has slowly let herself fizzle out, she's not an active person of the city like she once was, and after doing a ton of Mary Kay stuff, she told me later after my arrival back home in Colorado that she has decided to take the next step in Mary Kay and that is go for Director and the Grand AM. I think this would be great for her. She was, and has always been a great leader, this is her calling. I think once she gets over the fear of dealing with customers and get some awesome training, she will be feet planted and head strong on her goals. Now lets see who gets there first... me or her?
Mom - I love you. Thank you for being who you are and being so strong when we need you.
Susan
posted by colagrl @ Monday, July 29, 2002
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