9/11

I just can't stop thinking about it. It doesn't help when I work on a site about 9 hours a day dealing with the rebuild of New York city, but it just literally stares me in the face and makes me think about it. If 9/11 hadn't happened, I wouldn't be where I am today pasting code. But if it hadn't happen, would I still be with "Q"? I know on that day, I can remember going home and listening on the radio about the effects this will have and I knew right there and then, my number would be up when my contract was over. My manager kept saying "oh no, your with us till Christmas and beyond", but the next month I was out the door. For 9 months I have worked for a cheap-ass boss who pays me little but has received nothing less then 150% of my work from me.

I know I should be grateful that I'm working. I am. Really. There are those who are still out of work. I know there are others who took the hit hard in other ways too. I always thought my sister was doing well and her version of "broke" is much different then mine. When the market dived, for once we saw about eye to eye on the meaning of "broke". I count my blessings daily that even though we have suffered lay-offs, bankruptcy, losing vehicles, we haven't lost each other. I may not have my husband in bed at night with me because he works a midnight shift, but I do have a husband that yells back at me when I yell at him. There are a ton of people who yell at a spouse for not being there because they really are not there anymore.

Maybe I'm on the emotional side tonight.. but I just keep looking back to last year. Maybe that's my problem, I'm not looking ahead and only looking back. My husband laughed at me last week. I like to play a game "guess what we were doing a year ago, 2, 3" game. I got him big time with the 25 years of Elvis, but he got me when it came to August 11th. He says that was the day our troubles started. I said Sept. 11th was, but we know that Oct. 9th was the start of the dive of our finances. But four weeks before August 11th we had paid up some bills, was both doing nice in our jobs and had some extra money. We decided to take the kids on our first family vacation. Took them to Disneyland in Calif. with a pit stop in Vegas. August 10th we got word that my husband's business went under and he had no job. Sept. 11th happened, and then I was laid off on Oct. 9th. Happens in 3's doesn't it?

Maybe working contract, and part time.. that the next job is the "it" job because it will be #3. I don't know. I just know that I'm grateful that I have this contract job that is going to reverse some of our bills and get them back on track. And at the same time, I'm so sorry what happened a year ago and know fully in my heart, I would not be at this job if things had not happened that sad sad day a year ago.