joy

**very late, very tired, this post might not make sense.

It's late so my title is not all that original. There is another word I'm searching for, but this will do for now.

It has been a busy day. Working 2 jobs then doing a MK night, I'm surprised I'm still up at this hour. But I'm on this natural high and I know it was because of the evening event and how it makes me feel.

The day in general has just been awesome. I left my 1st job (the sucky one) with the feeling of "yeah, the affect of not working every day, being at your beck and call is starting to hurt you". I know its mean.. but come on, he pays crappy and works me crappy. I walk in on purpose to my VP's office with purse in hand, keys and sunglasses in the other letting him know, any changes he needs will not be done till tomorrow. He reminds me how I work for them and they are my #1 fan... give me raise with some vacation benefits thrown in and we'll talk fans.

I get downtown and though I'm doing what a productionist does in the graphic world, a lot of repeated steps, like resizing over 100 photos, or a lot of coping and pasting, I feel so useful to them. I know that because of the stupid stuff I'm doing, they are working on other things that need more effort put toward to. But the nice thing is, every day I have come in; the assignment is a little harder or more detailed and not some intern stuff. So I know I have their trust. They usually have to show me once and after that I'm alone for 2 to 3 hours working on the hard projects without problems or I'm done in record time begging for more stuff to do. My manager said that she normally doesn't hire someone resume unseen and that when she gets back from NY she wants to view it and sit down and talk with me, I might have a more potential job with this company. Hell, I don't care if it's 3 days.. I would make more in 3 days with them, than I do in a week at my other place. I know that I came in at the crunch deadline on this project and won't work on the cool stuff, but just saying I helped with the timeline and stuff.. it's a plus for me and I know that future projects will have my hand in the beginning of the project and not the end.


Then a quick pitstop home and off to MK night. I can't explain the nights I do this, but it is so fun. It doesn't even matter if I didn't do anything special or receive any awards that week (which I didn't).. it just feels good. Stephanie played my voice on a message I had left her earlier this week. I was telling her some good news about my mom, on my cell phone on the way home and I was laughing about something and I snorted which cracked me up even more on the message. All for 30 some women to listen to tonight. We even laughed more tonight over it. That would have mortified me 2 years ago to have someone laugh about my voice, laugh or snort.. but this was ok. We all got the drift of the message and were laughing and it was a hoot.

I feel sometimes that my life is a pac-man game. The white dots is esteem I'm trying to build, eating as much has I can and build my ego up. With a few power ups of the fruits which would be my Wed. nights, that make me feel so good for a few days till the next Wed. night. And then once in awhile I get those ugly ghosts which would be my job that brings me down, or finances that holds us back from doing what we want to do. One day I'll win the game and in the next screen I'll be in that directors suit (whichever color it will be that year) and in the cool car. I won't be running for my life like pac-man does. I'll be scootin in my car. :)

Tonight was a good night. A very good night.