I'm, like, 98% excited, and maybe 2% scared. Or maybe it's backwards. Maybe I'm 98% scared, and, like, 2% excited. But that's what makes it so great...-I'm so confused!

Packed and ready to go. Heading out for Albuquerque. NM bright and early to see mom tomorrow. Spend the night and then I fly back solo without kids. I'm telling you what I have told them... behave yourself while I'm gone. For those out there.. and you know who you are, don't make a mess of my blog! :)

Boondocks

Last night B took the family to Boondocks. His work gave every employee and their families 1 day unlimited passes. A little on the cheesy side, but we don't get out often, or the money to do it so we took this as a treat. B and the kids have been here before. When times were good, B would take the kids on Wed. nights and go out and do different stuff with them while I went to my pink nights, I told them about the place and they went one night. At a time when he worked a regular job, regular hours and stuff and wasn't in the need of sleep all the time. So they all knew the ropes of this place. Call me geeky mom.. I didn't.

Everything on that list that the site say it has and does, we did. Road the bumper boats in cold weather (not to bad) until we started spraying each other. I got dizzy. Since the bus accident, waves of nausea, dizzy spells and headaches have fallen upon me. Having a bumper boat spin me in circles did not help the problem. I was off the boats within 10 minutes. Amazing watching your own children handle these "motors" much better then you is a humbling thing.

I have never done go-carts either. So off we go to go-carts. J and D couldn't drive, under age so they got us carts for 2 people. J road with me and because B is slightly over-weight, it was just a matter of seconds before I would pass him and D up and they were dust to us. I don't think I laughed so hard or so loud or so long. That was a blast. I kept picturing Anna Nicole Smith on her go-kart moment and laughed even more. When we later came back and did it a 2nd time, D rode with me and because we were even lighter because of his weight, we swerved, spinned and flew even faster. We lapped B and J twice and when I tried to slow down a few times, D would take his foot and stomped it over mine and floor the pedal. Jeff Gordon - look out. My son is a future NASCAR driver.

We did our own version of putt putt golf. Near the end, we were all putting from different angles, one hole D and B were playing hockey and trying to see who could get the ball into the hole and I could not believe it.. J twice (2 times!) made a hole in one. Twerp! We hit the "laser tac", parents vs kids and as a team we beat them, but as a player D just kicked our butts. Once again - geek mom had to be shown how to do stuff and the kids knew how to gang up on me faster then dad. He had to come bail me out each time.

The plus of this visit - during the winter months, it's less pack, so no lines to wait for anything, sometimes we were the only people there. The negative - too darn cold! But it was a great night to wrap up family night and prepare ourselves that the kids will be gone for 2 weeks. Tomorrow we fly out for NM and I'll be back on Sunday. Joy!

Heart Broken

I'm really at a lost for words. I just finished talking to my mom. We are both getting excited about the kids this weekend, she - getting them for 2 weeks, me - free of them for 2 weeks. :)

But she is heart broken right now. I can hear it in her voice, read it in her emails and there is nothing I can do about it. She takes care of an elderly woman. A good friend of my mom's asked a year and a half ago if my mom would take in this lady's mother while she remodel her home. The elderly woman "Oma" is 90 years old, just had a broken hip and was recovering and couldn't do stairs and needed "round the clock care" but no need for a nursing home yet. My mom, needed some extra money, needed company in the house and said sure. After 2 months - Oma said it was "her" home. So they kept the living arrangements as is. THen it came to a decision that mom would take care of her for good till a nursing home was required.

Jump to a year and a half later - and this past week, Oma has been to the hospital for heart pains. Old age they call it. Pain from her joints, and old age and other little misfits and it's causing her to have her heart murmer go rampit and now the doctors have told my mom and the daughter that it's just a matter of time. A few months ago, Oma had a year to go. Now Oma will be lucky if she makes it to Christmas. Mom is just crestfallen. She adores this lady, my kids adore this lady, she's like a great-grandmother to my children. She's a hoot to be around with and for someone of 90, her spunk sure out did mine when I visited mom over the summer.

But to hear my mom's voice, broken, weary, tired, sad and sometimes sounding lost - I just feel so hopeless for her. I know that when Oma passes away I will take time off from work to be there for mom. So for me, my count down clock has started too. I was so looking forward to Oma coming up to Denver for THanksgiving, she can no longer travel.. too much on her they say. She will stay with her daughter (who's old enough to be my mom) when my mom goes away for weekends and stuff. I just hope she led a happy life. She lightened up my mom's - when she needed someone in the house. I know mom did the best she could for Oma to make her last few years happy and comfortable. Listen to me.. already talking like she's gone. I sure hope the doctors are wrong and she stays with us longer, but in a comfortable state and not in pain.

Karma or Just Getting Caught?

Last night B told me that he submitted his paperwork to go work at the County Jail. He did this last year with a different county and didn't get the job. In the details of the story of submitting his paperwork he asked me to guess what happened to him on the way to the jail. "What?" He hands me a yellow piece of paper with 66 in a 45 written in a little box. He got a speeding ticket. The ironic part? He recieved a speeding ticket last year on the way to submitting his paper work to the jail. So we are curious - is this a good sign or a bad sign? He now has to go to court on this one. He's going to try and fight it, but I'm not sure what his grounds are. He said that he thought he was on Pena Blvd. that lets you drive 65, I guess he wasn't quite there yet. So I only hope that this speeding ticket will be a good sign for him. Other then that, the only other jail that will take him is the one back home who has now taken a presence to calling and emailing him daily with the benefits of going back to work there. B sees one plus - a regular work week. Mon. through Fri. 8 to 5. WIth the occasional mis-behaving inmate that needs a cell instraction in the wee hours of the night. The downside? NO DSL. Nothing to do in the town for miles around. NOTHING.

NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING.

Did I mention that there is NOTHING to do in this town? For me it would be the usual run into the ex-boyfriend thing (yes.. B's one time boss at the jail was an ex-boyfriend from school). I do NOT want to go back to NM!

Reason's 4 Love - "D"

His laugh.. the most real laugh I have ever heard and when he laughs, he makes me laugh.

His attitude.. it reminds me to stay young, keep cool and not to stress out too much

His cuddles.. only D can cuddle like no other child. When I need a moment to be reminded why I'm a mom.. his cuddles do it everytime!

His love for me.. I look into his eyes and I see a child who looks at his mom who can do no wrong.

I also have a love for "J" my daughter.. her "Reason For Love" and for "B" my loving, often over-worked, under-payed, husband..in the September archives - I can't get to my darn archives right now.

Wa-HOOOOOOO

When you come into work for a week, and every day there is about 2 to 3 hours of no work to be done, and you go from cube to cube looking for hand-outs of projects, then you come in today and all the developers are at a meeting and you didn't get a request to be there.. you start to wonder - how long will this last? They are the ones that said "when the work is there..or you will go home". I started doing a mad dive for the job boards and keep the job search going... till my PM came in and gave me my letter of offer to work "Part-time/Full-time". Things just have got to get better.. when B starts thinking of going back home (my home town with NO DSL!) to work.. times are rough and we have got to get it together...

What Do You Think?

After borrowing CSS's styles from other cool journals/ blogs and working with the team here at work on colors.. I have made my own journal.. and maybe I'll stop changing the look every 3 seconds. If I could own a black pair of heels for every change I've done, I would die a happy woman at this point. What do you think of it? Yeah? Nay?

Me!

Neurotic Fishbowl got this from Michelle - and I hope everyone who uses blogroll goes with this great idea.. there are about 3 blog rolls on my stats that I can not name sites too and I would love to know who a few of those daily readers are! :)

Borrowed from Neurotic Fishbowl - If you check your stats compulsively like other people do, you’ve probably noticed the long URL that you get when someone hits your from their Blogroll. Often I’ve looked at that URL and wondered to whom it belonged (is that correct English?). Michele, who is not only smart but hot as well, came up with the idea of making a link that says “Me!” and links to your site (additional tip: use a space in front of the M to be placed on the top) so people can see who hit them. Thanks for the great tip, Michele!

yes - I know. It sucks right now. I'm working on it.

Reason's to be positive:
>> I'm working! Full time!! Great Pay!!!
>> Kids to go to Grandma's in 6 days!! (I'm such a terrible mom to think good on that)
>> Holiday basket orders - doing good.. doing good..
>> Back pain going away, but still there. Not as strong.
>> Getting my life back together. One day at a time.

googlism

Link swiped from Btezra of Eyesaw.

Search on Grand AM :

red grand am is on the right

Search on Susan :

susan is a top florida residential real estate agent
susan is a very gifted intuitive artist that is
susan is my name
susan is always with me
susan is a senior at a large university and only lacks 15 hours
susan is a very beautiful woman and she seems nice
susan is a cpm candidate and holds a california
susan is dead
susan is famous
susan is no longer a friend of narnia
susan is a single mom with three kids
susan is 52 {NO I'M NOT}
susan is a female participant from uganda
susan is mad at her dad
susan is in heaven and she is a great assest for others
susan is right
susan is slated to be in episodes 4
susan is a cpm candidate and holds a california real estate license
susan is sick
susan is a quick and subtle board game for two players
susan is no longer a friend of narnia 1996
susan is an attractive
susan is a personal image expert and a proven professional in her field
susan is no longer attached to the film
susan is looking for? i?m looking the guy who are honest
susan is strongly committed to enhancing educational programs using communications technology
susan is an acronym for smallest univalue segment assimilating nucleus
susan is back
susan is an active trial litigator
susan is a homeworker
susan is stressed and depressed over turning forty
susan is frank
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susan is the beige house with red shutters
susan is moving toward the oncoming lightbeam
susan is a pioneer in the development of comprehensive investor relations programs for numerous healthcare companies
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susan is
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susan is feeling fine
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susan is not
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susan is also well
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susan is hesitant to commit to a full
susan is a true professional and i have included some information below about her