Grand AM

The trials, struggles and joys of a "FULL TIME" lady in pink, mom, on her way to the top, with a few pitstops, pitfalls and questions along the way.

Friday, October 04, 2002

Viva Las Vegas

I'm so there mentally right now, and I just had to put this one link in there... the Las Vegas web cam. I love the view from the Mandalay Bay cam, you can see the water show, the volocano, lights from the wizard show and the street just lit up. Clayton is there right now.. lucky duck. I've been too busy with all going on that the thinking of mode of "I have no job, let's move now" has not come to play. Usually when I bring on that though process, Vegas comes to mind. I still feel in my heart that I think in 2 years we will be 1 of 6,000 new residents every month to the city in the desert. As far as I am concerned... we have done our 3 year tour come this Christmas, I owe Putz nothing else and we can move on. It's people like Julie, Mary Ann, Jennifer, Kim, my Director, my NSD and my new found Director who hired me that keeps me staying "home".
50 Things

I love how one person does something, someone else borrows it, then someone else does, then someone else does. .then Bea does.. now me... 50 things. I also can't spell tonight. Lack of sleep and food in 24 hours is making thought process very slow tonight.

1. Your name spelled backwards.
nasus

2. Where were your parents born?
mom: Ontario
dad: Saskatchewan (sp)

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
a stock photo

4. What's your favorite restaurant?
Black Angus

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
September 2001

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
Yes - played a ditzy blond - literally broke my ankle dress rehearsel night

7. How many kids do you want?
2 - have them, don't need any more.

8. Type of music you dislike most?
rap

9. Are you registered to vote?
No

10. Do you have cable?
Yup.

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
No

12. Ever prank call anybody?
Yes

13. Ever get a parking ticket?
No

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Maybe sky diving.

15. Furthest place you ever traveled.
Canada

16. Do you have a garden?
No

17. What's your favorite comic strip?
Family Circus

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Yes

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Shower = morning every day. Bath = night when I can.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
Banger Sisters - tonight

21. Favorite pizza topping?
Cheese

22. Chips or popcorn?
Chips!

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
oh this is a sad. I own 9 different colors, and I change the color in the moment of the mood.

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
Don't think so

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
Yes - Junior Miss

26. Orange Juice or apple?
I like them both but orange juice gives me heartburn ... so apple.

27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
Tonight - with friend Mary Ann. Marie Caulenders. Girls Night Out.

28. Favorite type chocolate bar?
Butterfinger

29. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
Highschool for Homecoming Queen

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Yuck

31. Have you ever won a trophy?
Yes - Skate-a-thon for Jerry's Kids, 1981. 1st place, Raised the most money, skated 24 hours straight. Highschool trophy for the club "OEA" - something about becoming a secretary. Placed 3rd in knowing the file system. I didn't even study for the competion.

32. Are you a good cook?
Uh - no

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas.
Who else will do it for me?

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
No.

35. Sprite or 7-up?
Sprite!

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Yes.

37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
he he he Estrogen

38. Ever throw up in public?
Nope

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
Found the true love - give me the money

40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
yes and no

41. Ever call a 1-900 number?
no

42. Can ex's be friends?
Husband wise? No clue. Boyfriend wise? Yes - I still stay in contact with one.

43. Who was the last person you visited in a Hospital?
Father-in-law

44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
No idea

45. What message is on your answering machine?
B with - You have reached the "B*****" family, we are not in right now.

46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
Anything Adam Sandler did, when he sang songs

47. What was the name of your first pet?
My sister's dog - Rommell

48. What is in your purse?
9 lipsticks, 2 lip glosses, compact mirror, date book, check book, mileage book, wallet with photos, credit cards, sale slips, keys, sunglasses, cell phone, earrings and occasional "pink" catalog book. It's a small purse too!

49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Catch up on my journal and my favorite blogs to read.

50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
That I got a job working for a Director.
Full Speed

You would think that I would have taken a small break, regrouped, enjoyed the day with B and start next week on working. OH NO! I met with the Director this morning and one of her other friends who is looking for an assistant and by 1:00 this afternoon.. I was working for my "boss". I'm not looking back. There is no regrets that I have left the corporate world. When a company goes belly-up, I won't be a part of it. When a boss does a firing, I won't be the one walking out or the one walking looking for the new job.

I'm scared. I'm nervous. Some major rules were dropped on me, I have to have a selling appointment every week to stay and maintain her assistant. That right there makes me nervous. But this is what I'm in there for. The push, the support, the success.

This journal has really changed with my life. It's gone back to the full pink mode. Join the ride with me. It's going to be fun!

Thursday, October 03, 2002

roller-coaster tycoon

I love that game.

Designing my own coasters.

I made a great one out of my life tonight. Not 20 minutes after my last post, sitting down for supper in a small state of shock... I get this call. It's a Director in pink. She had lost my brochure for the websites, found it and was calling me. She needs an assistant. Not only her, but 3 other Directors from her Unit need one too. Pays not all that great, but there are monthly bonuses when the unit does great and I'm still home in the morning for the kids and afternoons, and though she could not write it in stone, she was able to tell me that her last 3 assistants all became directors within 6 months. Wow. Impressive record. This is what I need. This is what I have been searching for. This is the postive inforcement that I need. 24/7 positive life in me to get me in gear.

I had made up my mind today that I was not going to worry about this problem and that by next Friday, my future would be laid out for me. Seems someone from above planned it this Friday. I had gone to visit Julie for support. Amazing we call each other first before our husbands find out. I think we do it to sound it off each other then we can talk rationally to our husbands. Then I called my mom and asked for prayers. I really consider my mom God's right hand person and if the line is busy for my prayer to get through, I know she has a hot line to him. I then called my daughters GS leader. To let her know that money is tight again and any help from her would be great in costs. She too said she would think big thoughts for me. I debated on calling my own personal Director about the job. But my mom reminded me that she is on a "sister vacation" and that she didn't need to hear my woes before the weekend. I figured we could talk about it on Monday over lunch.

How shocking that when I called her last night, after the fun night, that I made a comment.. "You will see a new person on Monday". I meant in my attitude about moving up. Not that I would be laid off / fired / quit the next day and possibly an assistant that night.

I think this is my calling. I really do. I think graphic design has finally shut it's door on me and I'm looking at a new bigger career. I'm scared, and nervous. I feel like I have stepped up to the plate and my turn is at bat and it's the 9th inning and it's 2 outs..oh you know the rest of the story. Do I strike out or do I go "deeeeeeeeeeep"?

I did talk to B about it.. what a way to wake up for the evening and find out I'm jobless. I did tell him "hey.. I did find something already.. can't say I wasn't looking" and asked for his input. He said that though he's not crazy about it, if this is what I want I have to be consentent. I can't work 2 hours here and 1 hour there. It has to be a some what cut schedule. I figure that for the hours I'm not working for the girls I'll be working for myself.

So tomorrow I meet this Director in the morning and chit chat with her. She's a very hyper person and I'm very low keyed, so I'm sure she wants to make sure our personalities work. No reason working for her if we clash. If this goes right and I'm still not sure it is.. I can ask my Director to throw another Director my way, and I could be working 5 days a week. And I have thought back on previous Directors. Except for my Director's assitant who has MS, all the other Directors I know.. their assistant has made Director within a year. I can count 8 on my hand off the top of my head. So what does that say for me? That I'll break the mold and not make it? Or follow the steps of leaders and make it?

Maybe getting some sleep isn't going to be as easy as I thought.
Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!

After a few moments of wondering "what the...?" my SUCKY boss and I had words and he thinks he fired me, I say I quit. I'm sure from surfing my book-marks at work.. he's seen my journal so hello - SUCKY.. I will be the better person in this situation, this topic has been dropped.

Great thing that the contract job had contacted me yesterday and asked me to come in next week for a few days. So there some work lined up. But I really think this is the sign for me to quit and go my own way and become my own boss. Tired of working hours for little pay, producing graphics for unethical reasons that I think were wrong. Tired of being treated a lacky because I was the gofer, and not a VP who thinks he has advertising skills along with his Harley Davidson bike. You don't. You didn't. You never had it. I was the one raised, trained and worked in an advertising studio.

My only regret, that I didn't leave 2 weeks ago when I knew I wasn't happy there. That when he put me on the 30 day leave while he is out traveling the US that I left then.

I'm so happy. Really. I am. Nervous of talking to B about it, but he should know the routine by now.. every October I'm jobless. It's my track record. But hopefully, next week will come out better.

I think I have a letter for Dear X with the theme Trick or Treat coming to mind. Dear Sucky... It was a real treat today when we had our way of words. Thanks for the crappy memories, low pay, crappy pay.. thanks for the freedom.

I'm done.


In keeping with the themes of "rainbows", what did Dorothy find OVER the rainbow? Follow the yellow brick road....

Onesome. follow. Do you see yourself as a leader or a follower or somewhere in between? Tell us why...
Oh. I thought the question was, "who did I see as a leader". Had this one all thought out. I'm a follower, learning to be a leader. As of today I'm going to be a leader. I'm setting the pace and I'm making the choices. I have always had a low self esteem of myself, don't we all.. but today that has changed. I'm the best I can be, no one can knock me down, say bad things or bring me down. I'm marching to a new drum beat.. it goes something like this.. badda, boom, boom, badda bing badda bing.

Twosome. the yellow brick. what's the wildest colored structure you've ever seen? Give us a mind picture!The Rocky Mountains. Their not the "wildest" but they change colors every day, every minute, from different angles. One moment they are dark blue, with shades of various colors from the shapes of the mountains, and drive a few miles away and they are this light purplish hue. Drive along the front range, up close and personal and they are green as can be, trees, rocks, jagged edges coming from different areas. Most of the time, capped with snow on the top, on cold, rainy, or snowy days,they are surrounded by clouds, fog and some times in a haze of smoke from the summer fires. The mountains keep me balanced. If I could move and take them with me.. I would. The Rockies are a beautiful site and every morning I still catch my breath when I see them on the way to work.

Threesome. road. traffic problems? Tell us about the busiest road in your neck of the woods! The "T-Rex" construction. I don't have to drive it at this time, I'm only a 10 minute drive from work. But I'm glad I don't do this drive on this highway.. it's going to be like this for at least another 10 years if I remember right. The nice thing is, it will be a commuter rail when all said and done. But the question is - will we still be here when it's completed?

Answer in your space and leave a trail along the Yellow Brick Road for us to follow...

Wednesday, October 02, 2002

Begin

It's been another wild Wednesday. I love them. Cold as hell but my heart is on fire tonight!

Tons of Dr. tests over the next few days - diabetes, thryoid, chloestral, blood work, mammogram, and an ultrasound. Yeah.. those last 2 are freaking me a bit. Dr. felt a mass in my lower abdomen and wants it looked at and with all the stuff on the estrogen in the news and not realizing I was taking a high dosage, I'm now in for a mammogram (sp?) for a test on breast cancer. Real nice guy, I bared my soul to him and told him a lot of my concerns. After awhile when it came to addressing them I told him I wasn't ready for some of those topics and that we would come back to them later on, lets concentrate on the here and now.

I have to go estrogen free for a few days till the tests come back. Suck-o-rama.. I'm going to be a major bitch for a few days. Someone give me strength not to tear into everyone I know. Then I go on the patch again which is cool. I hated taking meds, I'm the worst for pill poppin. Would never make a good druggie... I would forget to take them.

Other great news, my check from the contract job is on the way and they want me to work next week for them. Already next week is looking packed. Lunch on Monday with Director, Wednesday trip to another Director in Greeley about her future website, then contract job for 2 days. Ha! Sucky boss gets me only for 2 days!


But lets get to the topic at hand - I'm turning over a new leaf tonight. I'm "Begining" my life over this evening. A new person is emerging and I'm ready for a few challenges in my life.

With my "20 Words That Can Change Your Life" - I'm begining my life again.

BEGIN
Take charge of your life by beginning something you’ve always wanted to do, like going back to college or cleaning out a closet that’s been driving you crazy. If your goal seems overwhelming, start small. Clean one shelf or take one class. “By daring to begin the life you’ve always wanted, you become energized,” says Mari Tankenoff, L.P. and CEO of MindFitness, Inc., a counseling and consulting firm in Minneapolis.

I am taking charge. I'm moving up. I'm going to succeed this year. I'm going to kick some ass and earn some cash this year. I'm going to gain a few new team members, make some new friends, attain new customers, and I'm going to do this in less then 90 days. My GOAL is to do $1,000 in sales this Christmas. More, the merrier. That breaks down to $300 a week, which breaks it down to a spa set a day. One spa set a day. I'm going to take a spa set to work, in my car and carry it till I sell it. I'm going to sell it tomorrow. That is down right freaking overwhelming that I'm writing this down. But it's there. On paper, ok, screen. It's in stone. If Tasha can write a check for retreat and do it in 30 days and go.. I can write down that I'm going to make money this season and do it.

I'm "daring" myself to do it. Get out there and do it. I'm ready to play with the big girls and see what it is like in a Red Jacket. Tonight at our celebration, we had 2 new red jackets, 3 new team leaders, 1new on-target (car) and 1 new DIQ, all of this from Monday. I was bummed when I realized I wasn't any where in that list of newbies. And with all the excitement I realized, I don't want to sit in the chairs anymore.. I want to stand and wear RED! I want to go to retreat this weekend and I can't, because I'm not in RED.. next year I will! I'm tired of looking in my closet and wondering "what will I wear tonight?" I want to wear a Jacket. A red Jacket, a purple suit, a NSD suit. Anything but what I'm wearing now!

I'm having lunch with my Director on Monday to discuss the website I have done for her, but I'm going to make sure I pick her brain pink wise and get some butt kickin advice from her to help me along. I said at the begining of the year that "THIS WAS MY YEAR". It kind of slipped when we hit hard times.. the year is not over yet, it still can be my year.

I have just turned into a bull-dog.. I'm going to be a red jacket by the end of this month. Stay tuned. I'm kicking butt with lipstick on.

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

sleeeeeep

My body is craving sleep again. Have changed the look for Breast Cancer awareness. I love the graphics that the Miz's do and just had to borrow this set. Wish I could think outside the box sometimes. For some odd reason I have lost comments on this template. Bummer.

Need sleep. Long day tomorrow. Dang.. it's going to be cold out to. Won't be surprised if I see snow on the ground. Won't be happy, but won't be surprised.

Talked to Jewels on the phone tonight. She sick, cough cough.

Need to update 6 important things. Funny I'm only getting one or two done. :(
one of those days

I can tell it's not going to get better -

The Good - My Director, Stephanie earned her first Cadillac. We wrapped up production. Wa-hooo!

The Bad - We hired a coding consultant to help me with my order form at work. He can't do it, won't do it, if he does do it, going to charge more then what I make an a day - hourly.

The Ugly - Vacation get away cancelled. Dr. has ordered "emergency tests"

Monday, September 30, 2002

hot flashes

Heading off to bed early. Tomorrow can not get here fast enough. I took my temp 4 times today and not once did I get under 100. Then there were those brief moments at work where I was walking around with my sweater on. I so give up.

My mom called today to tell me her reflux is acting up again, so the dr. doubled her dosage and she ended up passing out this morning. Thank goodness a friend had just pulled into the yard and heard a "whomp" in the house and mom's door was open so they could see her.

Nothing serious done, she broke a lamp, stubbed her toe, glasses are fine, but she says her nose will be bruised by morning. My only thought is - what if this happens again when no one is there, and no on is in the drive-way coming for a visit? What if this happens again when the 90 year old lady she takes care of is in the house too? What is she going to do? She's not "all upstairs" to call 911 for my mom.

She said "I just come through and go with the flow". What if it's worse then a stubbed toe? More like bleeding that won't stop? I know - major dramtic here, but it's darn right freaky! They have decreased the medication and will see her again in a few days. I can't say this enough, I hated when she left the church I grew up in and went to another.. but the friends and support and about 80% of the new church is all doctors.. I'm glad someone had come to visit her and caught it in time.
appointment set

Tomorrow I go in. Thank goodness I think I'm die'n here.
Positive Participation

I forgot about the comment section not working... my gratitude/positive journal is here :)

Sunday, September 29, 2002

crapola

I'm not coming out of this bug. I guess I'm going to have to see a Dr. tomorrow. Even J was under the weather today and so everyone stayed house bound playing it mellow. But I don't think they are running the gammet of hot-flashes on the hour, every hour. I need my estrogen re-filled but I've been taking my meds so I think it's something more. I hate being sick.

Just about have SuzAnne's site done. Have decided to do a flash animation and java pop up script for the over-load of photos. Wish I had the energy to work on it today. But I did catch up on my reading today. I have been trying to finish White Oleander before the movie release. I have 10 chapters to go. I'm getting excited about the movie coming out and I'm sure it's a movie date with my friend Mary Ann. Next Friday we are going to see "The Banger Sisters". Now to get over this stooopid cold.