Heart Broken

I'm really at a lost for words. I just finished talking to my mom. We are both getting excited about the kids this weekend, she - getting them for 2 weeks, me - free of them for 2 weeks. :)

But she is heart broken right now. I can hear it in her voice, read it in her emails and there is nothing I can do about it. She takes care of an elderly woman. A good friend of my mom's asked a year and a half ago if my mom would take in this lady's mother while she remodel her home. The elderly woman "Oma" is 90 years old, just had a broken hip and was recovering and couldn't do stairs and needed "round the clock care" but no need for a nursing home yet. My mom, needed some extra money, needed company in the house and said sure. After 2 months - Oma said it was "her" home. So they kept the living arrangements as is. THen it came to a decision that mom would take care of her for good till a nursing home was required.

Jump to a year and a half later - and this past week, Oma has been to the hospital for heart pains. Old age they call it. Pain from her joints, and old age and other little misfits and it's causing her to have her heart murmer go rampit and now the doctors have told my mom and the daughter that it's just a matter of time. A few months ago, Oma had a year to go. Now Oma will be lucky if she makes it to Christmas. Mom is just crestfallen. She adores this lady, my kids adore this lady, she's like a great-grandmother to my children. She's a hoot to be around with and for someone of 90, her spunk sure out did mine when I visited mom over the summer.

But to hear my mom's voice, broken, weary, tired, sad and sometimes sounding lost - I just feel so hopeless for her. I know that when Oma passes away I will take time off from work to be there for mom. So for me, my count down clock has started too. I was so looking forward to Oma coming up to Denver for THanksgiving, she can no longer travel.. too much on her they say. She will stay with her daughter (who's old enough to be my mom) when my mom goes away for weekends and stuff. I just hope she led a happy life. She lightened up my mom's - when she needed someone in the house. I know mom did the best she could for Oma to make her last few years happy and comfortable. Listen to me.. already talking like she's gone. I sure hope the doctors are wrong and she stays with us longer, but in a comfortable state and not in pain.

Karma or Just Getting Caught?

Last night B told me that he submitted his paperwork to go work at the County Jail. He did this last year with a different county and didn't get the job. In the details of the story of submitting his paperwork he asked me to guess what happened to him on the way to the jail. "What?" He hands me a yellow piece of paper with 66 in a 45 written in a little box. He got a speeding ticket. The ironic part? He recieved a speeding ticket last year on the way to submitting his paper work to the jail. So we are curious - is this a good sign or a bad sign? He now has to go to court on this one. He's going to try and fight it, but I'm not sure what his grounds are. He said that he thought he was on Pena Blvd. that lets you drive 65, I guess he wasn't quite there yet. So I only hope that this speeding ticket will be a good sign for him. Other then that, the only other jail that will take him is the one back home who has now taken a presence to calling and emailing him daily with the benefits of going back to work there. B sees one plus - a regular work week. Mon. through Fri. 8 to 5. WIth the occasional mis-behaving inmate that needs a cell instraction in the wee hours of the night. The downside? NO DSL. Nothing to do in the town for miles around. NOTHING.

NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING.

Did I mention that there is NOTHING to do in this town? For me it would be the usual run into the ex-boyfriend thing (yes.. B's one time boss at the jail was an ex-boyfriend from school). I do NOT want to go back to NM!

Reason's 4 Love - "D"

His laugh.. the most real laugh I have ever heard and when he laughs, he makes me laugh.

His attitude.. it reminds me to stay young, keep cool and not to stress out too much

His cuddles.. only D can cuddle like no other child. When I need a moment to be reminded why I'm a mom.. his cuddles do it everytime!

His love for me.. I look into his eyes and I see a child who looks at his mom who can do no wrong.

I also have a love for "J" my daughter.. her "Reason For Love" and for "B" my loving, often over-worked, under-payed, husband..in the September archives - I can't get to my darn archives right now.

Wa-HOOOOOOO

When you come into work for a week, and every day there is about 2 to 3 hours of no work to be done, and you go from cube to cube looking for hand-outs of projects, then you come in today and all the developers are at a meeting and you didn't get a request to be there.. you start to wonder - how long will this last? They are the ones that said "when the work is there..or you will go home". I started doing a mad dive for the job boards and keep the job search going... till my PM came in and gave me my letter of offer to work "Part-time/Full-time". Things just have got to get better.. when B starts thinking of going back home (my home town with NO DSL!) to work.. times are rough and we have got to get it together...

What Do You Think?

After borrowing CSS's styles from other cool journals/ blogs and working with the team here at work on colors.. I have made my own journal.. and maybe I'll stop changing the look every 3 seconds. If I could own a black pair of heels for every change I've done, I would die a happy woman at this point. What do you think of it? Yeah? Nay?

Me!

Neurotic Fishbowl got this from Michelle - and I hope everyone who uses blogroll goes with this great idea.. there are about 3 blog rolls on my stats that I can not name sites too and I would love to know who a few of those daily readers are! :)

Borrowed from Neurotic Fishbowl - If you check your stats compulsively like other people do, you’ve probably noticed the long URL that you get when someone hits your from their Blogroll. Often I’ve looked at that URL and wondered to whom it belonged (is that correct English?). Michele, who is not only smart but hot as well, came up with the idea of making a link that says “Me!” and links to your site (additional tip: use a space in front of the M to be placed on the top) so people can see who hit them. Thanks for the great tip, Michele!

yes - I know. It sucks right now. I'm working on it.

Reason's to be positive:
>> I'm working! Full time!! Great Pay!!!
>> Kids to go to Grandma's in 6 days!! (I'm such a terrible mom to think good on that)
>> Holiday basket orders - doing good.. doing good..
>> Back pain going away, but still there. Not as strong.
>> Getting my life back together. One day at a time.

googlism

Link swiped from Btezra of Eyesaw.

Search on Grand AM :

red grand am is on the right

Search on Susan :

susan is a top florida residential real estate agent
susan is a very gifted intuitive artist that is
susan is my name
susan is always with me
susan is a senior at a large university and only lacks 15 hours
susan is a very beautiful woman and she seems nice
susan is a cpm candidate and holds a california
susan is dead
susan is famous
susan is no longer a friend of narnia
susan is a single mom with three kids
susan is 52 {NO I'M NOT}
susan is a female participant from uganda
susan is mad at her dad
susan is in heaven and she is a great assest for others
susan is right
susan is slated to be in episodes 4
susan is a cpm candidate and holds a california real estate license
susan is sick
susan is a quick and subtle board game for two players
susan is no longer a friend of narnia 1996
susan is an attractive
susan is a personal image expert and a proven professional in her field
susan is no longer attached to the film
susan is looking for? i?m looking the guy who are honest
susan is strongly committed to enhancing educational programs using communications technology
susan is an acronym for smallest univalue segment assimilating nucleus
susan is back
susan is an active trial litigator
susan is a homeworker
susan is stressed and depressed over turning forty
susan is frank
susan is far more imposing
susan is the founder and president of connex network inc
susan is the beige house with red shutters
susan is moving toward the oncoming lightbeam
susan is a pioneer in the development of comprehensive investor relations programs for numerous healthcare companies
susan is a member of the yurok tribe and lives in salyer
susan is running a "find the worst bus route" competition
susan is a featured artist on the web on women on air and artist underground
susan is an administrative assistant who is negotiating her yearly salary package with her supervisor
susan is the only certified tellington touch practitioner in the state of indiana and compliments the tellington touch with acupressure and massage
susan is the author or co
susan is married to film producer ken wales
susan is the only surviving timber
susan is an expert on the topic
susan is a principal and a member of the national association of securities dealers
susan is a coast salish artist
susan is also available as a single plain ascii e
susan is a professional writer with twenty
susan is
susan is a graduate of the london college of music where she studied piano with eric hope
susan is the owner of grooming by susan
susan is feeling fine
susan is the author of three books
susan is on vacation
susan is the author of "the secrets of service
susan is the director of the school of flirting® and president of dynamic communications
susan is a christian psychotherapist
susan is right posted by mariella
susan is supposed to share special things with you and have a warm fuzzy moment
susan is a seasoned entrepreneur and expert in the launch and growth of
susan is an ethical woman and is refusing to cooperate
susan is not
susan is a biological sciences major who is interested in both cell
susan is a specialist in many forms of holistic therapy including
susan is the member that formed the first water world outing and now we have a big interest among rmnaafa members in water world
susan is available for personal consultations to assist you in re
susan is the name given to the college laundry
susan is vice
susan is now being added to the star
susan is a sequential learner
susan is now/ mail attachments
susan is managing a major sales campaign that had to be delayed because of her absence
susan is appearing in your area
susan is a native
susan is extremely critical
susan is a consummate jewish center professional
susan is enjoying this experience tremendously and says she would loop every year if she could
susan is"
susan is to see how much she loved her family
susan is co
susan is term
susan is an experienced domestic relations attorney and mediator
susan is married to barry trexel
susan is new to the escort world and is looking forward to meeting new and interesting people
susan is a member of the editorial board for the pc alamode
susan is also well
susan is an experienced mentor
susan is hesitant to commit to a full
susan is a true professional and i have included some information below about her

weekend update

I miss when Dennis Miller used to do Weekend Update on SNL.

Anyway - my week has been hetic - so here is a quick recap.

Monday - Cold

Tuesday - Snow

Wednesday - Snow

Thursday - Snow

Friday - Cold / Foggy

Saturday - Cold / Foggy

That's it. Not really. Exciting parts - Reno interview which isn't finished, but then my contract job offering me "Part Time / Full Time" status. Working great hours, great pay without benefits with the downside - could end at anytime. Bus accident that has now sent me to the Doctors, but good drugs and massive migrane headaches. Nothing getting done this weekend. I just realized the kids go off track in just days and will be with my mom for 2 weeks. Two weeks to myself. Since B works the night shift, I'm more or less "solo". So I see a few pink nights without daycare needed, daycare not needed at all when I work, a few "Girl's Night Out" I'm sure with Mary Ann to catch a movie and I have no idea what else. Problably some web related catching up and just in general getting stuff together for the holidays. Heck - with them gone, I could for sure take some time off and fly to some out of state interviews and not have to worry about them. Sounds all great and dandy, but not hearing them for 2 weeks.. which is by far the longest I've gone without the two of them together... will be lonely. Since they were 3 and 4 they have gone to either Grandma's or the in-laws for a week at a time, or 3 weeks at a time, but one child always stayed with me, this will be a first of doing the solo mom gig. Nerves have now settled in. :-/

something fun

Entertainment while I'm out this morning from Shanni's site, that was taken from Angel's site. Go. Have fun.

When it snows, it blizzards

I have been taking the bus for the past few days to avoid driving Denver traffic. The saying goes - "...when 3 snowflakes fall, traffic will come to a 3 hour halt". Trying to save myself from any bodily harm in my own car, I take the bus. Wednesday morning, a few blocks from the station, we are rear-ended by another bus. So yes. Major jolt to the bus and my body. Nothing hurting at that time, I went off to work, like about 30 other people did that day, and now 2 days later, I sit here in extreme pain. Searing pain in the neck down to my right shoulder. Had to see the dr. good good meds coming my way, muscle relaxers, hmmmm so let it snow again.. for the 4th day, I'm hitting the sack with some good stuff.